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Jan. 8th, 2004
Earlier today, via a curious conversation, I ended up being called "sweet and innocent". It's a valid enough description (except that "bitter" might work better than "sweet"), but it misses the point somewhat, said point being that "undesirable" is a far more appropriate term which explains the other away perfectly. It's extremely easy to be relatively innocent when no one wants you.
I don't know why those particular words struck a chord, but they did. They led me to take a good look at myself from the outside, and frankly, I don't think I'll bother again. I see it now. It's not that there's anything wrong with me, it's more that there's nothing right. I don't even register. Not even a blip. I may as well not be here.
I can count the number of people who've fallen in love with me on one hand. I probably couldn't count the number of people I've fallen in love with. Most of them never even noticed. Why would they? I'm not even a loser, I'm a nothing. I don't even rate consideration.
So, I give up.
I don't know why those particular words struck a chord, but they did. They led me to take a good look at myself from the outside, and frankly, I don't think I'll bother again. I see it now. It's not that there's anything wrong with me, it's more that there's nothing right. I don't even register. Not even a blip. I may as well not be here.
I can count the number of people who've fallen in love with me on one hand. I probably couldn't count the number of people I've fallen in love with. Most of them never even noticed. Why would they? I'm not even a loser, I'm a nothing. I don't even rate consideration.
So, I give up.