Trying a different tack

Ok, do any of you know how to write a good CV? By good, I don't actually mean good, what I mean is the self-marketing drivel, rife with bullet-points and whatnot, that the poor brainless drones that work in the personnel departments of major companies apparently latch onto. My current CV is how I wanted to present myself. It tells the prospective employer everything they need to know. It does so via the medium of the written word. In sentences, properly constructed and getting their point across by the time-honoured tradition of taking the required number of words to do so. Left to my own devices I suspect I will resent the idea of reducing myself to a set of poxy bullet-points so much that I won't do it. Therefore I am appealing for assistance. Is anyone out there willing to put up with me (including when I lurch off into yet another acerbic diatribe) and help me sort this out? I know I'm not going to end up with a document I'm remotely comfortable with, but at least I might have a bit of paper that will get me a job. This whole procedure makes me sick, frankly. I can understand that the employer is king in this scenario and what he wants he should get, or there's not much point applying, but in this instance the product is *me*, and nothing pisses me off more than not being dealt with on my own terms. I'm not a set of fucking bullet points, I'm a person, I'm damn good at what I do and I resent having to pigeonhole myself along with every other fucker with "ASP, PHP, HTML, CSS, SQL Server, MySQL, VB6, Tcl/Tk" listed alongside a bullet point somewhere.

Can you tell I'm a tad annoyed?

*sigh* so, any help?

Hmmm...

Epic Heroes has a sale on. 20% off on selected stuff...

wannawannawannaTRANSFORMER!!

*cough*