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Just had a meeting with a client, and then a meeting with the boss. Apparently the boss is "concerned" about my "motivation". He has every right to be, I have none. I work a job which pays me a little over a thousand pounds a month. I have outgoings of somewhere in the region of £1,100 a month. To borrow American parlance, you do the math (sic). Payrises have been pointed out and I have expressed gratitude, but the fact remains that I could be earning a good 8 grand more than I am now, doing a far easier job somewhere else. Unfortunately I am by nature timid about these things, and "better the devil you know" is generally my attitude, whatever I may advise to others.
I seem to be stuck in a grumpy rut, with nowhere to turn for an obvious way out. I want to jack it all in and write books, but I have no money to do it with. I'm losing money hand over fist as it is so it looks like I'll never have the money to do it with, and I could get a new job, but it might be crap, I might hate it and worst of all, I might not be capable of doing it.
At the moment I would really like to shout and scream, but all I have is this.
I hate customers, well-meaning or otherwise. They are usually idiots, frequently slimy and often ignorant to the point where it becomes questionable whether they should be allowed to interact with other humans.
Surely there must be jobs where I could be allowed to gently fade into the background and do my thing without ever being bothered by anyone. I'm verging on xenophobia here, in its literal sense. I don't deal well with strangers when they want something from me, I hate having to plunge into things without knowing for certain how they're going to turn out, and I flat out don't like people en masse. They're stupid, they're ignorant, they're opinionated, they're frequently rude, they have no class or sophistication of any kind, they have no consideration, frankly it amazes me that the human race has got as far as it has. It is only as individuals that we seem to have any redeeming qualities at all, and, for the most part, my customers are not individuals, they're sales drones. They're also usually ex-army, which makes them the most insufferably arrogant bastards in the world.
If I sound pissed off, I am. Extremely so. I just want to scream. Actually I want to throw various people out of windows, but morality being what it is, I'll settle for wanting to scream.
I seem to be stuck in a grumpy rut, with nowhere to turn for an obvious way out. I want to jack it all in and write books, but I have no money to do it with. I'm losing money hand over fist as it is so it looks like I'll never have the money to do it with, and I could get a new job, but it might be crap, I might hate it and worst of all, I might not be capable of doing it.
At the moment I would really like to shout and scream, but all I have is this.
I hate customers, well-meaning or otherwise. They are usually idiots, frequently slimy and often ignorant to the point where it becomes questionable whether they should be allowed to interact with other humans.
Surely there must be jobs where I could be allowed to gently fade into the background and do my thing without ever being bothered by anyone. I'm verging on xenophobia here, in its literal sense. I don't deal well with strangers when they want something from me, I hate having to plunge into things without knowing for certain how they're going to turn out, and I flat out don't like people en masse. They're stupid, they're ignorant, they're opinionated, they're frequently rude, they have no class or sophistication of any kind, they have no consideration, frankly it amazes me that the human race has got as far as it has. It is only as individuals that we seem to have any redeeming qualities at all, and, for the most part, my customers are not individuals, they're sales drones. They're also usually ex-army, which makes them the most insufferably arrogant bastards in the world.
If I sound pissed off, I am. Extremely so. I just want to scream. Actually I want to throw various people out of windows, but morality being what it is, I'll settle for wanting to scream.
