More CCDE reflection

[orinoco77]

In the few hours I've had since I arrived home from CCDE, I've been assessing, compartmentalising and generally "going through" the weekend's events. I've come to the conclusion that I prefer the remote way of doing things. Don't get me wrong, I like meeting the people I spend my days interacting with, but it alters your perception in weird and not always positive ways. I'm not worried about what I think of anyone else, my opinion will always be based on your reasoned thoughts, as expressed in whatever way you choose. I will have opinions, I can't help that, but at least they will be based on real facets of personalities, rather than people, if the distinction is apparent. If that ever appears not to be the case, for the sake of Pete, call me on it. The problem I've been considering lies more in the other direction.

I wonder if I present the image that I should. I write with a flourish and authority (and arrogance?) that I can't match in action. Does that matter? Do the people who haven't seen my mind look at my body instead? Do they mark my regional speech, my hesitation and my shyness? Am I judged on that? It worries me a lot. I try to present a flamboyant aspect wherever possible, because it masks the shyness. I won't say or do anything crazy, but I might look a bit unusual. It's a shortcut that I hope enables people to make the leap from "He looks boring", through "He looks weird" to "Hmmm... I'd like to find out what makes that strange man tick". Maybe it doesn't. Maybe all I'm doing is dressing up.

I've thought a lot about first impressions this last few hours, and I still don't know what to make of them. Now that it's possible to meet someone without ever seeing their face, what does it take to make a good impression? Is it possible to like the idea of someone, but not the complete article? Where do you draw the line between what constitutes the me that is writing now, and the me that was at CCDE a few hours ago? We're not the same person. I would never say any of this, but I would be thinking it; I could articulate it if I had to. Does that make me IRL more or less real than me as you see me now? Which is me? Which do you respond to? When you see me talking do you pretend there's a cartoon womble and a livejournal page in the background? When you read this now, do you see a spiky haired, grass-stained goon? Which is me, to you?

I suppose what I'm getting at is this: Technology allows us to build relationships with people we'd never have otherwise known. Can those relationships be as valid, and remain the same, once you've pulled back the veil and seen the fat, spiky, northern wizard?

Coming down from a party high is always a bugger, isn't it?

Comments

[isihac.livejournal.com]

Well, to start with I *was* looking for a womble (on a t-shirt, that is) as I forgot to try and track down photos so I'd know who I was looking for.

Anyway, I thought you were... Ori. A nice bloke in person as well as online who I didn't get as much time to talk to as I'd have wished. I can't deny I had a mental picture of you that wasn't entirely accurate, but having known over 100 people (most of which were there) online before having met them it's something you get used to and can accommodate the reality quite easily.

In an effort to stop any paranoia that may be attempting to go on the rampage, reverse the situation. Do you feel any differently (i.e. not want to keep in contact with/be more private/avoid at all costs) towards people you previously only knew online? If the answer is yes, did you already have the feeling they were dickheads? Personal contact tends to confirm/deny what you already thought.

I'm waffling. I obviously haven't drunk enough tea yet today.

[orinoco77.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say that nothing of what I saw at CCDE would alter my perception at all. It really is as if there are two sets of people, with a rather tenuous link between them. The online gang and the real-life gang. They're the same people, they just don't always seem the same, due in part, I'm sure, to the sort of issues I myself have with dealing with people in person. You and Peter were charming, as I knew you would be, Nattie was delightfully unhinged, as I knew she would be, AFP en masse was as garish and unpredictable as I knew it would be, but all were somehow slightly different to their digital selves, if that makes any sense at all. In my gut I can't reconcile the two yet, maybe after I've met everybody a few more times...

[novawildstar.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean Ori. This is me, this digital me is the one that I'd like to be in person in a large crowd of people. But with the shyness and all the other shit I never come across as someone who actually has a brain!

I believe that digital relationships can be valid if not more so than RL ones. You get to see the person with out any of the primping and fake crap that goes with seeing someone in person. In person you play games to make the other person think your great. Here you just be you and you can hide behind a computer screen and say what you feel. Maybe thats what makes online relationships easier to have.

[orinoco77.livejournal.com]

I think that's quite possibly the case. At any rate I certainly didn't find the prospect of dealing with the people I didn't already know (and some I did, but mostly not) at all easy at CCDE.

[novawildstar.livejournal.com]

I find it hard to deal with people that I already know as well. How totally fucked up are we? But at least now you know why Mal goes to the meets on his own!!!!!

[orinoco77.livejournal.com]

Well, there's absolutely no reason to feel awkward around me. I'm a pussycat. Honest.

[novawildstar.livejournal.com]

Which is why I acted the way I did last time you came round. =)

[orinoco77.livejournal.com]

Ah! That's what the saucer of milk was about! :P

[novawildstar.livejournal.com]

Here kitty kitty.........